You are not alone. Great phrase, but when you feel alone, not very helpful. Your heart aches. You feel so sad. It’s awful.
I once saw an artistic display in Europe that talked about what people feared most. Being alone, or feeling alone was at the top. So obviously we all deal with it on some level. But what causes it? How do we fix it?
Alone even in a crowded room…
First let’s establish that feeling alone or lonely can happen even when we are in a room full of people. So it isn’t just about being near people, although that can help. But I think it is more about feeling connected to someone. Feeling understood and valued for who you are. To really connect with someone takes effort, and vulnerability.
You are not alone…how to connect with others.
Ok, who should we connect with? That’s a great question! So maybe make a list (yeah I know, another list) of the qualities you would most like in a new friend or significant other. What types of qualities really bring out the best in you when you are around someone? Are they intellectual? Do they have a sense of humor? How good of a listener are they? Can they just let you vent or do they try to fix everything? What qualities do you want in a person you would like to spend time with?
Keep in mind that no one is perfect, but at least if you know the top 3 or 4 things you are looking for, you’ll be more likely to find someone you can have a great friendship with. Perhaps even a more personal relationship depending on what you are seeking. Then paste your note on your mirror ore phone or wherever you will see them often. Your subconscious will go to work to help you find such a person.
You are not alone…and are you who you want to be?
Another question I think is important is “Am I being the person I most want to be?” Do I feel like I am living up to my potential? How and in what areas of my life am I striving to do a little bit better everyday? Emotional? Physical? Spiritual? Financial? What do I have to offer another? Please don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have nothing to offer, because that is patently untrue. Even when it feels like that is true, it isn’t. Can you smile? What if you just say hello? Or tell someone you appreciate their kindness? See? You always have something to give.
It’s not about being the most beautiful or the smartest in the room. I do think it’s about being one of the most caring and thoughtful though. Have you ever spent time talking to someone who just looked you in the eye and seemed genuinely interested in you? No agenda. Just interested in you? Wasn’t that a tremendous gift? Well think about it. It’s one you and I can give every day if we choose to. We just need to take the time and care enough to listen and ask questions. Try it. You’ll be amazed.
What is my purpose?
I think we feel alone when we have lost our purpose or don’t know what our purpose is. Why are you here? I feel my purpose is to live the best life I can and to choose Jesus Christ to be the most important being in my life. To follow Him. With that as my “lighthouse” so to speak, it helps me determine what other things are worth my time and effort. What do you think could be your “lighthouse’? Your main ideal that influences all else?
This is why I choose a business that gives me a way to serve and help people with their health and wellness. It’s why I strive to be more focused on increasing my understanding of gospel doctrine and spiritual matters. These purposes are my “lighthouse” and help give meaning and direction to the rest of my life.
With that in mind, I diffuse bergamot or use frankincense essential oil under my tongue when I am feeling blue or lonely. It’s a tool I can use to help me make the changes in my life I want to make. These oils support me and help me change my focus. Then I can reset to better thoughts and more uplifting feelings.
Like many, I am a healer and a nurturer at heart. I guess maybe it’s the mom in me. I truly love helping people feel better, and reach more of their own potential. You should know that you are a great gift to the world and we need you! Please know how unique, special, individual and wonderful you are. Share that.
What gives you fulfillment? What purpose have you determined that brings you joy? If you are trying to figure it out, try some of these questions to see if they help you narrow down where your interests and passions lie.
- How can I best make a difference in the lives of those closest to me?
- What types of activities bring me joy? Is there a way I can incorporate them into making life better for others?
- Am I honest in how I deal with and treat others?
- Do I treat others the way I hope they would treat me? Fairly? With love and kindness?
- In what way am I showing love and taking good care of myself? (It is hard to work and to give if the tank is empty)
- Do I strive to lift up anyone with whom I get into a conversation with? How do I leave them better than I found them? Can I truly listen?
- What do I love to do so much that I would do it even if I never got paid for it?
- Have you tried asking God what He thinks you should do and then take time to be quiet and listen for the answer? (Hint: this might take more than one try!)
- Believe you have unique talents and gifts to offer. What might some of them be?
- Be willing to make mistakes and learn from them! That’s how we figure things out. They are not a negative, but an important part of your journey!
As you ponder some or all of these questions, you will find your purpose and desires of what makes life more meaningful to you becomes more clear. You can focus in on what brings you joy, and if you are lucky, you might even be able to make money and support you and your family while doing it! Sometime our work and our passion and purpose don’t always align, but you and I can find ways to involve our purpose indirectly if needed.
One day at a time…
It starts with how we treat each other. I have never regretted being kind. On the flip side, I have regretted the times I have been unkind…every time. Some of them still haunt me to this day. Some occurred when I was a child. But being mean or unkind leaves a mark, just as being kind leaves a different kind of mark. What marks will you leave behind? Personally, I hope to leave behind me a wake of thoughtfulness and kindness for others. It would be good for people to know they have been heard and loved. I have a long ways to go to get really good at this, but it’s a work in progress.
So let’s you and I start today, shall we?
What will you leave in your wake today? Can you help a co-worker who is struggling? Could you help a neighbor know you see them and care about them? Go grab your Balance essential oil, take a breath of it, and rub it on the bottoms of your feet. Then take that courage and go do something today that helps you fulfill your purpose, or takes you a step closer to figuring it out. And I bet you’ll find that the loneliness retreats. That you have more joy in your heart and a spring in your step, and the people left in your wake will be wearing a smile. Then you can remind them that they too, are not alone.
Do you have a special occasion coming up? Check out this post I wrote to give you some ideas on how to handle special occasions with gladness! Blues Getting to You? Not This Time!
You might also like checking out my Adaptiv group on Facebook. Its got some great tools and ideas to help you boost your mood and handle stress. Adaptiv Zone…Seeking Serenity